I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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