Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
