It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
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