You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
