the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
