every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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