Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
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So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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