I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
