she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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