i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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