The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
