I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
