the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
