I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
