I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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