why didn't you poke me back
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Randomize
