I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
