Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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