if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
