I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I got inside last night via doggy door
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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