His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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