Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
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