my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
