if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Randomize
