I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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