Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
