Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
