Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
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