My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
