Ketchup is God's man juice
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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