How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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