i would punch a child for taco bell
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
