he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
We're too hungover to prance.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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