Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
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