apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
