What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
