I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
don't judge my taste in strippers
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
