Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
