I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
