Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Randomize
