i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I can't put those talents on a resume
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
