Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Randomize
