if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
