She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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