Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
wow bdsm is so cute
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
