how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
