Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
