Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
