help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize
