life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Randomize
