he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
