Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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