I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
