Screwed.edu
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
