I cannot find my penis.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
