So drunk its hurt
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
