I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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