I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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