my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
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