It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I need water and some morals
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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