a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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