You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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