I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
