I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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