I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
