and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
