Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize