Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
i think i have herpe
just one?
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
